2012....Another year, another beginning!

Ok, so I need to follow up from my last blog entry. Here goes.

I have always been pretty "skinny" and "in shape" my whole life. People think that being my size comes naturally, but it doesn't. I work at it, and I work HARD. But lately, I feel like I have been working at it the wrong way. I have done P90X Lean, P90X Classic, 3 rounds of Insanity and even a round of Hip Hop Abs (for fun...and it was!), but I still wasn't happy with how my body looked. I've also used a free site called CalorieKing.com to log all of my calories and exercise for the past 8 years. Can you believe that I have been doing that for EIGHT WHOLE YEARS?!?!?!? I didn't understand why I couldn't have the body of my dreams by eating 1100 calories a day (Yes, that's what I used to eat (when not pregnant).)

A friend of mine recommended a site called MyFitnessPal.com over a year ago. I joined in March 2011, but I didn't really use it because I was pregnant with Jake at the time. Basically it's just like Calorie King, in that I'm able to log my calories and exercise. The difference is that My Fitness Pal is a whole community. There are message boards and groups where you can ask any kind of question relating to food, fitness, health and even life in general.

I decided (at some point in November 2011) that I wanted to change my life. I started looking at My Fitness Pal and realized that even though I was starving myself (literally), I was not making good food choices. In November 2011, I started tracking my food and alcohol intake and realized that I was eating junk....and WAY too much of it! I decided that I needed to change, but I wasn't quite ready and I wasn't sure how to go about it. I decided first to clean up my diet.

Starting on Dec. 1 of 2011, I threw out most of my junk food and started stocking up on healthy things. I tried to cut out most processed foods (good-bye Lean pockets, frozen chicken fingers and pre-made sweet potato fries) and filled my fridge with veggies and Almond milk. I started drinking smoothies and added protein powder. The first week was AWFUL! I was detoxing and going through withdrawal from sugar, bad fats and processed foods. It was rough, but then I started feeling better and I actually liked how I felt for the first time in a long time! It was the start to a whole new me....sort of.

I took my measurements on Dec. 1, and I wrote them down. At the end of December, I hadn't really made any physical changes that I could see. Yes, I had lost 5 lbs. and was back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but I still didn't like the shape of my body. What else did I have to do? I went to My Fitness Pal and started poking around.

As I was poking around on My Fitness Pal, a friend recommended a book called The New Rules of Lifting For Women by Lou Schuler. Basically, it's a book that says you have to lift HEAVY weights three times a week and eat a CLEAN diet to get the body of a goddess. I decided to buy the book on my iPad and I read it cover to cover in under 24 hours. I just couldn't put it down. I was bound and determined to clean up my diet and start exercising in a way that would help me achieve the body of my dreams.

So, I indulged on the last two days of 2011. I ate pizza, a big slice of cookie cake (which I had been wanting since my birthday in August) and all other kinds of gross JUNK. It felt REALLY good and REALLY bad all at the same time. On January 1st, I kissed all of the unhealthy foods good-bye and I stocked up on healthy foods. I was starting (for the second time) my quest for a healthier me.

How have I done so far? Pretty well. I didn't have to go through another detoxing phase (thankfully). I have been trying to eat clean for the past week and have done pretty well. Yes, I still crave sweet things, but I am turning down most of the sweet things that are still around the house (like the kids' M&M's, my husband's Doritos, chocolate, etc.). I haven't lost any weight this week, but I took my measurements and I have lost 1.5 inches from my hips and 1 inch from my waist since the beginning of December.

I know this is going to be a S-L-O-W process, but I also know that this has to be a complete lifestyle change for me. I am ready and I am excited about it. My husband is a little less than excited because his tasty (and fatty) dinners have been drastically changed. We are eating a lot more seafood, lean meats and lots more veggies. I honestly can't remember the last time I used butter in my cooking, which is what I used to use a lot of when I cooked!

So, here's to 2012 and the years to follow. I hope this healthy journey lasts the rest of my life....and not just for a while. :)

Goodbye 2011

Oops....I kind of forgot about my blog. Sorry to any of you who might have actually been following me.

Well, I will try to wrap everything up in a nutshell, so here goes.

Thanksgiving was good. I hosted it at our house for my immediate in-laws. It was Barb, Ed, Jeff, Julie, Jeffrey Jr., Chris, and my crew (Eddie 4, Eddie 5, Elizabeth and Jake). I smoked a turkey and Barbi brought a roasted turkey. We also had stuffing, dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy, squash casserole, green bean casserole, a creamed green pea medley, crab au gratin (by Julie), sweet potato casserole, apple pie, and pumpkin pie. It was a lot of food and a lot of fun.

The next few weeks really flew by, as I knew they would. Jake has been having a hard time sleeping and has yet to sleep through the night. He was waking up 4-5 times a night during November, but I had to do CIO for a few days to get him back to only waking up once or twice. I know he will sleep better once he starts solid food and formula, but I really just want to make it to my goal of 6 months with breastfeeding. I'd actually like to nurse him longer than that, but I know that once I introduce formula in a bottle, the nursing goes downhill pretty quickly.

Jake's torticollis is getting better, but it's still frustrating. My other two kids were able to sit up unassisted at this point, and I still can't even put Jake in a bouncy seat, Bumbo or Exersaucer because his neck is still so weak. He is making progress, but it's very slow. I guess he just wants to stay my baby for a little while longer. ;)

Eddie and Elizabeth are loving their preschool, Lucky Lane. In fact, Elizabeth will start going 5 days a week in January. She always cries when we drop off Eddie and she doesn't get to go to school with him. We are fortunate that enough children in her class can stay 5 days, so she will increase from 3 to 5 days next week.

Both Eddie and Elizabeth are chatter boxes. They really feed off each other and are always getting each other in trouble. They stress me out SO much, but I guess I should be happy that they love each other and seem to get along pretty well (for the most part).

Speaking of siblings, things with my family are still strained. I still talk with my parents, but my siblings still won't talk to me. I sent them all Christmas cards and send all of my nieces and nephews Christmas presents, but I haven't heard back from any of them. Rebecca and her husband send my kids each a present (shockingly) and Margaret and Clark sent presents for our kids. Bill and Missy seem to have written us off completely. Oh well....it's their loss.

Christmas was a lot of fun this year. We didn't travel and no one traveled up to see us. The kids had a great time and it was chaotic, but it was fun. We went to church on Christmas Eve and then we went to a local restaurant called Gerard's for dinner after church. Christmas morning was started with our traditional mimosas and pancakes and was followed by tearing into all the presents Santa brought.

Well, the kids are waking up from their afternoon naps, so I need to stop for now. I had intended to write about my new goals for 2012, but I guess I will have to save that for another entry. Let's just say there are some BIG changes coming my way and I couldn't be more excited! :)

Feeling a bit better...I think

Look at me....I've updated my blog a little more recently. Woo-hoo!!

Things seem to be a bit better for me. I'm still not getting a lot of sleep because of Jake, but I find that when I do get 3-4 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I am MUCH happier during the day. For some reason, Jake won't sleep more than 3 hours at a time. This is really rough because it still takes me close to 45 minutes to nurse him on both sides, change him and get him back to bed. By the time I fall back asleep, I'm only getting 1.5-2 hours of sleep at a time. I've had 2-3 nights where Jake will give me a 4 or 5 hour stretch between feedings, but that rarely happens. Jake's 4 month well-check with the pediatrician is only 2 1/2 weeks away, so I will definitely be talking to the doctor about his sleep, or lack thereof, when we see her again.

Everything else seems to be chugging along. I'm playing with the symphony again and we just had our first concert this past Friday night. I really enjoy playing, but it's hard to get motivated to go to practice when I feel so tired and run down all the time. Last week was particularly rough because we had rehearsal on Wednesday, Thursday and our concert on Friday. Being out late 3 nights in a row was ROUGH. Our next concert is only 4 weeks away, but I'm hoping Jake will be sleeping better by then, which means I will be sleeping better, too!

But enough about Jake! I've started a new book with E5 called Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. Eddie seems anxious to figure out words, so I figured we would give it a shot. We've only done 4 lessons and so far, he has really taken to it. I have been making a big deal out of our new "special book," so he really looks forward to doing the lessons every night. It's sometimes hard to get up the motivation to do the lessons with him, but seeing his eyes light up whenever I ask him about learning how to read makes it all worth it!

Elizabeth is.....Elizabeth. She is still Miss Negative and she tests me at every turn! I love her to bits, but man oh man, she is turning me prematurely grey! She knows when she does something bad and she will often cut her eyes to the side when she has done something bad to see how I will react. She also likes to torment Eddie (by hitting, pushing, taking his toys, etc.) because she loves to see his reaction. Poor Eddie doesn't defend himself at all, so there have been lots of tears and tattling around our house!

Big Eddie is still working like a dog. He often doesn't get home until 7:00 and I am just mentally and physically checked out by that point in time. It's hard to get up the motivation to cook a nice meal that late in the day, but I'm getting better at it. I'm also getting better at making sure the kids have already had their bath by the time E4 gets home. He has been GREAT with helping me bathe the kids, but I know he's tired after a long day of work and would like to just come home and relax. Slowly, but surely, we are settling into a routine.

I've also decided that I don't do enough fun stuff with my kids, so yesterday I went to Michael's and bought a bunch of paint, paper and glitter. We made glitter pumpkins yesterday, which was a lot of fun. It was really easy to do and E5 liked doing an art project here at home. I really should do more fun stuff with them. Hopefully, I can come up with at least one fun art project each week. My next project is to make footprint/handprint animals and send those to the grandparents. I'd like to do ghosts for Halloween, but I don't think I can get them made and mailed in time. Oh well....maybe next year.

That's the update for now. I just finished exercising and need to shower before the kids get up. Our fun project for this afternoon is making Halloween cupcakes. YUM!! :)

Looking for something

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I always seem to go through phases of unhappiness. I have just about everything any person could want. I am married, healthy, have 3 beautiful/healthy children, a pet cat, a nice house, a paid off vehicle, good food and extra curricular activities for my kids (and even some for me). So, why do I often feel lonely and depressed? This has been bugging me for a couple of weeks, but I think I'm finally figuring out what is going on.

Like my mom, I thrive when my life is stressful. I always need a "project." When things in my life are good, meaning not much stress, I tend to get depressed and I end up creating stress. Why do I do this? I'm not really sure why, but at least I have figured out that that is what I have been doing for most of my life.

Things with my family have seemed to level out (although my siblings and I still aren't speaking). The relationship with my parents is cordial. My kids are all healthy and happy. So, what do I do? I start picking fights with E4. I have noticed that I have been distancing myself from him for a while. I don't know what it is, but I don't want to be touched, bothered, affectionate, etc. Fortunately, E4 has been very patient with me, but I'm sure that he's getting a little frustrated. I don't know how to get myself out of my little funk, but I hope that I can do it soon.

Another thing that has been bugging me is that I suddenly want a new pet. We have Max, our cat, who is very nice (for the most part), but I feel like we need another animal. We were at the mall this past weekend and there was a traveling group called Pocket Pets, and they sold sugar gliders. For those of you that don't know, sugar gliders are small marsupials from Australia. They look like little flying squirrels and they like to hang out in your pocket. They are REALLY cute and I suddenly decided that I really wanted one.

Well, I begged Eddie all weekend to let me get one, but he firmly kept saying no. I have been doing tons of research on sugar gliders and still feel strongly that having one around the house would make a good pet. Why? Why do I want a sugar glider? Why not another cat, or a goldfish or a dog? Why not a hamster or parakeet? I think the answer is because sugar gliders need LOTS of attention. They like to be with people for a minimum of 2-3 hours a day. The thought of having a small creature with me that actually wants to hang out with me really appeals to me. I guess you could say that I'm needy. Maybe this is why I like babies so much....and l dislike toddlers. Let me explain. Jake is SO sweet. I love that he needs me and wants to be around me all day/night. E5 and Elizabeth are independent and basically want nothing to do with me. Elizabeth is going through a "negative phase" and it's really hard for me to be around her. If it were up to me, I would have as many babies as I could, ship off my kids during the toddler phase and then have them returned to me around 3-4 years. Isn't it sad that I just said that?

So, to make a long story short. I'm needy. I like feeling needed/wanted, but who doesn't? So if I like feeling this way, why do I push my husband away from me so much? Clearly, I'm looking for something and I haven't found it yet. :(

Always an excuse

I only have the same old excuse for not updating. Three kids take up a lot of time, so I'm hardly on my computer at all these days. So, here's the update.

Elizabeth turned 2 on September 30. It's hard to believe that she wasn't already two because her vocabulary is incredible. She is already speaking in complete sentences (sometimes) and has the advanced attitude to go along with her vocabulary! We had her birthday party at Gymboree, and she LOVED it!! She danced around and somehow KNEW that she was the queen of the party. Play group friends and her class mates from preschool came, so it was a lot of fun.

My parents came up the weekend of her actual birthday (the party was the weekend before her birthday). I was worried it was going to be an awkward visit, but it was really nice. We took my parents out to eat dinner on Friday night and they took us out to dinner on Saturday night. My mom and I talked about sewing, smocking and the kids and my dad got to watch football and play with the kids. All in all it was a very pleasant visit and I'm glad they got to come. We never talked about my siblings, with the exception of Tim, so I still don't know what is going on with all of them.

My mom decided that she wants to come up during a week in November to help me out with the kids and to go Christmas shopping. She is coming up Nov. 8-12 and I'm really excited. It will be nice to have an extra pair of hands around the house while E4 is at work! It will also be fun to get some Christmas shopping done a little early!

My MIL went back to Florida and I was really sad when she left. She left on October 1st and won't be back until Thanksgiving. We haven't always gotten along in the past, but now that the kids are older, she was a HUGE help to me this summer. I'm really going to miss having her around to take the kids up to the park, etc.

Jake turned 2 months old on Oct. 11. He now weighs 12 lb. 4 oz. and is growing like a weed! He is the sweetest baby, but he doesn't sleep very well. He still gets up to eat every 3 hours at night, which means I'm not getting more than 2-2.5 hours of sleep at a time. The sleep deprivation is really starting to get to me, too. I'm really tired and cranky ALL THE TIME. I feel like the worst mommy and wife in the whole world because I feel like I'm always yelling at E5 and Elizabeth and I'm always cranky with E4. Hopefully, Jake will start sleeping better soon....for all of our sakes!

E5 is doing great. He still has the sweetest soul of any person I've ever known. Even though I yell at him a lot, he generally tries SO hard to make me happy. He loves going to preschool and being read to every day. I just wish that I had more time to spend with him one on one, because I know he would love it.

I'm doing ok, I guess. Like I said earlier, I'm just tired. I'm too tired to do anything other than try to nap during every spare minute of the day. I feel like the house is disgusting and I hate feeling like I am "falling behind" on everything (bills, cleaning, organizing). I want some time to smock and needlepoint, but I'm just too tired to do it. Oh well....I know I need to try to enjoy these days with Jake because he is growing so fast!

That's the update. The kids are waking up from naps, so time to run....

Sorry for the month hiatus

I really have been meaning to stay on top of my blog (again), but I feel like time is flying by these days!

First of all, things on the family front are a little better. I have been speaking with my parents about 2-3 times a week. My mom is still very cold and distant when we talk on the phone, but at least we are talking. I'm pretty sure she is still miffed that I won't be her friend on Facebook, but I really don't think my family needs to be in my business every single day. The distance we have had these past 6 1/2 months has been good for all of us, I think. I have been sending pictures of the kids to my parents, and they seem to appreciate it.

My birthday came and went on August 27th. I'm still saying that I'm 29, for the record! ;) My parents were on a cruise around the Baltic Sea, but they still called me from Russia to wish me a happy birthday. I was pretty shocked when they called, but it was a pleasant surprise. My mom was REALLY chatty and she sounded like she was in a great mood. It must have been an amazing trip for them! My grandmother called on my birthday and my in-laws called, but that was it. I never heard from my siblings. Margaret sent me a text shortly after midnight, but she was the only one to do even that. I thanked her in a return text, but I haven't heard from anyone else. It was sad for me because I ALWAYS tease my brother, Bill, on my birthday. He always calls to wish me a happy birthday and then I always give him a hard time because my birthday is the one day out of the year that I am only one year younger than him (because his birthday is the day after mine, August 28). It's something we have done for as long as I can remember, so this was the first year it didn't happen. :( Oh well....There is always next year.

The rest of the summer went by pretty quickly. The last two weeks that I had all three kids at home was a little rough. I think E5 and Elizabeth were getting restless and my waking up in the night to feed Jake was taking a toll on me. We didn't get out as much the last couple of weeks because it was really hot (in the 100's) and I was tired. The kids watched A LOT of television those last few weeks.

Eddie and Elizabeth started school just after Labor Day. This is Elizabeth's first year at Lucky Lane Preschool and she LOVES it! The teachers all think she is a riot and say that she speaks better than most of the kids in her class...and she's not even 2 yet! She is the youngest in her class, but she seems to fit in really well. She comes home covered in paint, snacks and everything else. It makes a lot of laundry for me, but I don't care....She's having a great time and I don't have to deal with the mess!

Eddie loves going to school, too. He is definitely the more sensitive of my kids, so there have been several tears over kids not sharing toys with him, kids calling him "poo-poo head," etc. He still warms my heart because all he wants to do is make me happy. He often says, "Hey Mom! I did________ today. Does that make you happy?" He has the sweetest and most innocent soul of anyone I've ever known. I hope he never changes!!

I have pretty much stopped napping in the afternoons. I had to finish smocking a dress for Elizabeth and nap time was my only free time, so I had to give it up. I finished smocking the dress for her birthday last week and my mom has graciously offered to finish putting it together for me! Hopefully, my mom will get it put together and back up here before Elizabeth's class pictures because I really want her to wear it!

Jake is doing well. He is the calmest most easy-going baby I've ever had. THANK YOU, GOD!!!! He had his 2-month check up this past week and he is TINY! HE weighed 10 lb. 9 oz. (12th percentile) and was 22 inches long (11th percentile). I guess all of our kids are going to be squatty, but Jake seems to be the smallest of all. He was also diagnosed with Torticollis at his check-up. This is where his head tilts to one side. His head tilts to the left. I noticed it a couple of weeks ago and the pediatrician agreed with me that there was a problem, so we started physical therapy this past Thursday. The physical therapy went well, thankfully! I have to stretch Jake's neck several times a day, but we think that the Torticollis was caught early enough that it should be easy to correct. I already see some improvement just in the couple of days we have done the stretches!

I should also mention that I'm going to start playing my horn again! I'm going to be playing 4th horn with the Saint Louis Philharmonic this year. The principal horn player, John Thomas, called me and asked me to play 4th because the symphony is playing Beethoven's 9th Symphony and there is a HUGE solo for the 4th horn. He knows that I can handle the part, so it's mine! I'm SO excited! I'm happy to have a permanent spot with the symphony (and not just play assistant), but I'm hoping to be moved up to the 3rd position after this year. Both the 3rd and 4th spots were open, but John really wanted me on 4th. I guess there is always next year, right?

Well, that's the update for now. We went to the Greentree Festival Parade this morning and the kids had a blast. Everyone is tired and napping now (which is why I have time to update)! But, now I need to go and be productive again before going out to dinner with Jeff and Julie tonight.

Sorry it's taken so long to update and I hope to be on here more often!

Playing Catch-up!

I feel like that's all I'm doing right now....constantly playing catch up with everything. A lot of these feelings are my fault because I have been napping almost every day since Jake was born. The naps help me stay in a good mood, but all of the housework has been pushed aside. :( I've been spending today cleaning, organizing, throwing out old/broken toys, paying bills, taking care of phone calls, etc. Fortunately, I had my cleaning ladies come in this morning to help out and they did a great job! I only had to clean the basement/playroom, so I really shouldn't complain about having to clean.

Normally I would be napping right now, but I decided that I needed to do some maintenance projects around the house. All three kids are napping so I have been throwing out old toys, paying bills, taking care of getting a lawn service, writing thank you notes for meals and baby gifts, etc. It's not very exciting (and my husband won't be able to tell that I did anything at all), but at least I will feel good knowing that I got some mundane things done around the house.

On the family front, there's not much to report. My dad called on Sunday night to chat. My mom was also on the line, but she didn't talk at all. We have kind of settled into a routine of talking just on Sundays, which is fine with me. The conversations are still very strained and forced, but at least my dad and I are talking. I don't really tell them much about the kids because I'm still ticked that my mom won't talk to me. I don't know what her problem is and why she won't talk to me. Knowing my mom, this "episode" we are having has probably permanently damaged our relationship. My mom holds a grudge like no one else I've ever seen, so unless I completely submit to her, apologize (for what....I'll never know!), yadda, yadda, yadda, she will always be upset with me in some form or fashion. It really is too bad that she can't let go of negative events in the past, because I really think it's destructive to her and it doesn't help her depression (which she says she doesn't have).

The kids are doing well....sort of. The jealousy over Jake's arrival is finally rearing it's ugly head. Eddie has been acting out A LOT and getting into a lot of trouble. I know that he is just crying out for attention, but it's SO hard to give him the attention he craves when I have a newborn. Elizabeth hasn't behaved much better either. She goes around hitting Eddie, taking toys, spitting, throwing food, etc. Again, I know that she needs some one-on-one attention, and I'm not able to provide enough right now.

Jake is going through a growth spurt (I think) right now, so that makes things even harder. He needs to eat every 2-2 1/2 hours and he still takes almost 45 minutes to eat from start to finish (including diaper changes). That only leaves an hour or so to eat, play with the other kids, nap, etc. I know that the growth spurt won't last long, but it's still tough to go through it.

Fortunately, I have been good about getting out of the house at least once a day. This week, we have played outside, gone to Gymboree, gone to Kindermusik, and gone to the park. I'm still planning on taking the kids to The Magic House tomorrow and then we have play group on Friday. Once this week is over, we only have two more weeks all together and then Eddie and Elizabeth will start preschool. I had been dreading having all three kids at home with nothing to do for 6 weeks, but now I am sad that it's almost time to send them back to school. My kids are a lot of work, but they are so much fun and bring me so much happiness. I'm trying to cherish every moment (even the bad ones) because I know the day will come when they will no longer want to hang out with me, go to the park, walk to the bakery, etc.

*Sigh* Kids really do grow up way too fast.....